I won't be watching the Sex & The City reboot – I'll be sticking on my box set instead

THE scene opens on a ridiculously lavish brownstone New York apartment.

Carrie, dressed in a ball gown with a towel wrapped around her head, is recording her relationship podcast.

Miranda is wondering why her last Zoom date just ghosted her. Charlotte is queueing at the chemist for HRT. And Samantha? Oh, she died in a freak orgy accident. 

That’s how I imagine the first episode of the Sex And The City reboot might begin.

After years of speculation, Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis have shared a trailer for the sequel on Instagram, sending the internet into a bit of a tutu spin.

Titled And Just Like That… the new series promises to take the much-loved characters on to the next chapter. SJP’s post is captioned: “I couldn’t help but wonder… where are they now?” I couldn’t help but wonder… Can’t we just leave this show alone now? 

No one is a bigger SATC fan than me. No, sorry, you’re not, and I will fight you down to your gold name necklace for the title.

Having watched it since it first aired in 1998, I grew up with Carrie and co. It shaped what I thought it meant to be a woman – drinking lots of cocktails and gossiping about sex over brunch.

It was through watching it that I first learned about female ejaculation, Rampant Rabbits and micropenises. It made being single cool. I loved the show so much, it’s the reason I wanted to become a columnist (I’m still waiting for the walk-in shoe-drobe to materialise though). 

But like many fans, I’m still yet to recover from the atrocity that was the (oh god, make it stop!) second movie.

I’d be excited about the reboot if it was going to deal with the issues 50-and 60-something women are facing with humour and honesty. If it could talk about divorce, the menopause and bringing up teenagers (Miranda’s son Brady would be about 19 now).

But I think we can all remember Samantha’s cringe “hot flushes” scene in the second film and realise that’s unlikely to happen. 

And on the subject of Samantha, can you even have SATC without her? Kim Cattrall won’t be appearing in the reboot (she’s been embroiled in a public feud with SJP for some time), which makes it feel like a Destiny’s Child reunion without Beyoncé.

Everyone knows Samantha was the best character. She was the one who had all the sex. Without her, it’s just Self-indulgent Whingeing In Weird Outfits In The City.

Then there’s the fact that the world has changed since the TV series was on air. I’m not sure how Carrie will cope with sexting and dating apps, given that she couldn’t even handle email first time around.

The show’s comedy has dated too, as all the hilarious Woke Charlotte memes point out, meaning so many of the all-white characters’ lines would now most definitely be seen as racist, misogynistic and transphobic. 

This week I’m…

Watching…The Serpent: I’m loving the ’70s style in this BBC show about serial killer Charles Sobhraj.

Flexing with… Centred Mums: My pelvic floor is eternally grateful for these online post-natal Pilates classes

Reading… Since No One Asked: Get cooking advice, recipes and funny articles galore in Cat Sarsfeld’s foodie newsletter.

No doubt this reboot will try to drag them into 2021. The series starts shooting this spring and I wonder if it will mention the pandemic.

Will Carrie be matching her Manolos to her mask? Was Mr Big being distant or just socially distant? You’ll have to let me know, because I won’t be watching.

I’d rather keep my beloved memories intact and stick on the box set instead.

A Samantha spin-off on the other hand…

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