I had incredible sex with a close friend after boyfriend’s jealousy made me cheat – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS driven into the arms of a close friend by my boyfriend’s constant jealousy – and the sex was just incredible.

I’ve since seen him regularly but I feel guilty for cheating.

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 35. We met two years ago through mutual work friends and had an instant bond.

He lost his dad as a child and so did I.

The difference is that my mum and family were amazing but he felt abandoned by his mum.

He is kind and loving but very insecure and intense and has huge expectations of me.

I confided in a male friend who understood. He is 27 and said his ex was exactly the same.

It felt good to talk. We became very close and intimate though we didn’t have sex at first.

My boyfriend found texts between us and he became unbearable. One night he was so mad he drove off like a lunatic, saying he would drive the wrong way down the motorway. I was terrified.

He came home the next morning and we patched things up. But within a week things were just the same, with him checking my phone, getting angry if I even touched the phone.

I went to my mum’s for the weekend to get away. On the Saturday evening I went to the local pub and got very drunk.

I called my friend and he came over and ended up staying the night.

That was the first time we had sex but we have had sex several times since and it’s lovely.

He says he is falling for me and I really like him too, but I cannot continue this affair knowing someone will get very hurt.

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I have changed all my phone passwords and my boyfriend is even more paranoid.

But the other day he said he really wants us to work and will try to change his ways.

I love him, he is wonderful really, but I feel exhausted emotionally.

I realise I have caused all our problems, though I never set out to hurt him. Can this relationship be fixed, or should I go?

DEIDRE SAYS: You didn’t cause all of your problems.

It takes two to make or break a relationship. You were both drawn to each other because you saw you shared a similar pain from your childhoods.

But his insecurity means his expectations of you to fulfil his needs has put a huge burden on your relationship.

While it doesn’t excuse cheating, it is understandable you were vulnerable to someone else showing concern for your needs.

You must stop the cheating now though, and have to make a choice.

Whatever promises your boyfriend makes now, he will revert to his controlling and insecure patterns whenever a new stress appears – unless he gets sustained and expert help to change.

Can you see him doing that? He can make a start by getting help through Cruse bereavement care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677) but he would need to commit to ongoing counselling to make serious changes.

Otherwise, best call it a day so you are free to explore whether your “friendship” with a man who is falling for you can develop into something more lasting and meaningful.

Get in touch with Deidre today

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