My partner won't have sex but has been watching porn – I feel unattractive

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner broke down and cried when he told me he was unable to have sex due to an enlarged prostate.

He’s not interested in being intimate with me and doesn’t want me to touch him either.


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I’m 66 and my partner’s 68. We’ve been together for almost a year and I’ve fallen in love with him.

We get on extremely well and laugh such a lot. We own our own homes, but he is always so happy and pleased when he comes to see me.

I had accepted the lack of sex until I discovered by accident that he has been watching porn and I presume that is so that he can masturbate.

I have no problem with what he is doing but it got me thinking that perhaps he doesn’t fancy me or find me attractive.

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DEIDRE SAYS:  While it seemed you had the perfect agreement – watertight with mutually agreed rules – unfortunately opening up your relationship to third parties introduces a level of uncertainty.

And with that uncertainty invariably jealousy and insecurity visit.

It’s time to rip up the rule book and start talking to your girlfriend. Let her know how you are feeling and talk about where you both want your relationship to go.

Perhaps you are feeling upset because you want to take the relationship further. Is this arrangement a way of avoiding commitment?

Trust is key in any relationship and even if you both decide you want to carry on with your open relationship, scrapping the “you can’t talk about other hook-ups rule” will at least ensure you are working through any issues that crop up.

I’m sending you my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to help you both.

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