Monique Samuels wants to do better.
On Sunday's episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac, Monique, 36, tearfully expressed to her fellow Housewives that she may take a step back from the show following her brutal brawl with Candiace Dillard. (The physical altercation aired last week.)
Monique discussed the altercation and the possibility of a departure at Karen Huger's home with Gizelle Bryant, Robyn Dixon, Ashley Darby and Dr. Wendy Osefo. (Candiace, 33, did not attend as Karen, 57, explained it would not be a good idea for the women to be in the same room with each other so soon after the fight.)
Monique asked the women to gather in hopes that she could explain her side of the story and what led up to the violent incident. "There is no explanation behind what happened," Monique began. "I'm not here to bash Candiace. I just want to talk about myself. What y'all saw is not who I am," she continued with tears rolling down her face.
"Not only am I embarrassed — I'm ashamed of myself for my actions, for even letting anybody get under my skin to a point where I would react that way. That's not me and I don't want to be defined by one bad choice or one bad moment. I apologize to all of you for even putting y'all in a position to be in harm's way," Monique said.
She then went on to explain what she recalled from the fight, sharing, "A glass goes into my face [and] I get to swinging."
"I completely blacked out," Monique continued. "The last thing I remember is one of the producers in my ear yelling, 'Monique let go.' As the days go by, I'm starting to remember pieces that happened. At the end of the whole thing, I hear [Candiace's] voice, still yelling… I need to take a step back and look at myself and make sure I'm always in control."
Monique explained that she had no "physical control" of her own body and found the experience to be "very scary."
"I'm not proud. At the end of the day, when the glass of wine went to my face, I remember reaching and it was all downhill from there," she added.
Robyn, 41, then chimed in, slamming Monique's version of the story.
"You almost had me," Robyn said. "[But] that is an absolute lie. I'm telling you right now, that did not happen in that way. Candiace did not throw wine in your face. Candiace had white wine in her glass. You had red wine on your face. The reason you had red wine is from the velocity of the table of things flying everywhere."
Wendy, 36, quipped: "You touched [Candiace] first!"
"So that's not an excuse," asserted Robyn, who questioned why Monique tweeted, "Ask and you receive" after the altercation.
"Sure did," Monique said of the tweet. "And that was about Candiace," Robyn said.
"Sure was," Monique responded.
Wendy raised her concerns, explaining: "I just don't think as Black women, that's what we're trying to put forward. That is a narrative that society paints of us, that we're angry, physical and can't use our heads. What you did that night brought everything people have said about us to light and that right there is not the. move."
Gizelle — who showed up to Karen's home with her own personal bodyguard — further condemned Monique's actions. "Everything you did I do not represent," she told Monique.
"I went home that night and discussed what happened with my children… the first thing out of their mouths was 'Do not be around her.' My children are 13 and 14 and they know better because I am raising women that will never put their hands on another woman," Gizelle, 50, said.
Karen, who comforted Monique after the brawl, also expressed her disappointment but asserted that she will remain by Monique's side.
"Let me be very clear, you f—– up. You got so angry that you blacked out and I don't know that you can fix that yourself. These women have attacked me left and right and there's not a time that I would put my hands on them. I am willing to stand by you, but you've got to address this," Karen said.
"I don't know what triggered it," Monique said of the fight. "I don't have any reason. I'm going to talk to my pastor… knowing me, I'm not a person that would attack someone."
"Are you saying you're going to get help?" Karen said to Monique as Ashley, 32, replied: "That would be a good start."
But, Wendy, Gizelle and Robyn remained on the fence.
"You said you blacked out and you said that you came to at the very end, so that means everything that happened after that, you were aware of. So, you running around the barn saying, 'I'm going to kill that bitch,' you are aware," Wendy said.
"I was very aware," Monique responded, prompting Wendy to say, "You're not remorseful."
Monique agreed, saying: "Not right now. I'm embarrassed that people may not feel safe around me, but no I don't have any remorse."
A heated Gizelle fired back at Monique. "I have zero respect for you. You are a liability. I by no means want to be anywhere near you," she said.
Then, Gizelle stormed out with her bodyguard and admitted in a confessional that she and her estranged husband Jamal Bryant — whom she recently reconciled with — have an image to protect because he's a pastor.
When asked by the women if she has apologized to Candiace, Monique said, "For what?"
"I don't even feel like I can look at her. I don't know what it is that I feel. My adrenaline is still pumping. So, if y'all want to write me off, then write me off that's fine. All I ask is that y'all pray for me," she said. However, Monique added that "something has to be said" for people who "talk disrespectful [and] get in your face."
"It's just as bad as putting physical hands," she explained.
But, Wendy — a political commentator and professor at John Hopkins University — disagreed. "Monique, I have had people call me the N-word. I've had people call my kids names and you know what I do? I go out and I bust them with my words [not hands]. I will not buy that," Wendy said.
Ashley expressed in a confessional interview that she is confused about why Wendy is "coming for Monique's neck."
"Candiace has done something to everybody in the room, including me, sometimes you poke the wrong bear," Ashley said. "If Monique is willing to admit she has a problem, and she has, I think that's important we stick by her side and help her be the best person she can be," Ashley said.
Back at Karen's home, Monique expressed: "For me to get to that point is concerning for me and maybe I don't need to be a part of this anymore."
"Maybe for a little bit. Maybe forever… I need to let the ego aside and figure out what's right. That's what I'm willing to do. I just want to be a good person," Monique continued.
As the conversation continued at Karen's house, Candiace was in therapy, opening up about the fight and her former friendship with Monique. "It makes me question everything," Candiace said. "We were close."
"You loved her," her therapist said, to which Candiace said: "I loved who I thought she was."
When asked by her therapist, if she thinks there was anything she did that prompted the altercation, Candiace said, "Nothing that I did warranted what she did to me."
The Real Housewives of Potomac airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.
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